Insecurity is such a strange topic. Its something that I have been struggling with lately and...yeah. It feels as if its something that you can't escape. No matter how great a day you are having there is always something that comes up/you notice/someone says that puts you back in your "place".
- I shouldn't of said that. Can't rewind.
- I don't want to do that. He's going to think I'm stupid. I'm only 19.
- 3 < 0
- You don't get it. You just won't fit it.
It's been really hard for me accepting who God says I am. I don't know about other people but in my opinion, I felt that if people were confident in their identity I perceived it as a form of arrogance. How can someone say something and believe it with all of their heart. I heard Bob Jones say once that he "was a beautiful son of God. an amazingly beautiful and awesome individual." How can someone say something like that and not feel uncomfortable? Not that I feel that he was off or wrong. His confidence is worthy of being envied. I'm just in a state where I can't understand the meaning of my identity in Christ. I had lunch with some great friends yesterday (that I need to hang out with more) and I was letting them know what my mind was saying about myself. But then he started saying all of the things that God and they think about me. That I was special. beautiful. worthy of great things. I noticed that I kind of looked at my food when he said that and nodded. I know I should agree but I haven't come to that state where I fully can.
But it's something Jesus can do in a heartbeat. Just because I struggle with it know doesn't mean I will in the days to come. So for now, I'm just gonna sit and chill out. I wanna hear the things God says about me and even though I might not feel it yet it still feels nice to be told.
9 47So I'm giving myself 13 minutes to write a blog. I tend to over-edit stuff like this. Or think too much about what I wanna type or how I want it to sound. None of that. I can share what's up in 13 minutes easy.So I started this internship at HEB, and it's been OK. Lackluster sort of, but I'm not one to complain. I start my third week tomorrow and my shift hours kind of suck (i guess that is a little complaining, huh?) I wake up at 4 45 every morning, shower, get ready, and have breakfast on the road to work. I pray as I drive, and I guess I pray for the same stuff. I end up asking God for whatever bothered me about the day before and that he would make my 8 hour shift seem like a breeze. He's faithful, and it always just seems that much more quicker (albeit, I'm still tired as heck when I get home but that's nothing that a 2 hour nap can't fix).hmm what else to ramble about? uhh lately erika and I have been going through some issues that are interesting. it's been pretty informative going out and asking other people for their opinions on the matters because everyone's opinion is so different. advice that is inconsistent with what Person A said yesterday. Guess I've learned from this experience that man is pretty silly. They gave advice, and it was pretty godly and stuff, but I think that if your depending too much on other's opinions and not going to the Source for the ultimate answer then you're asking for trouble. everyone thinks a certain way. strict. liberal. goofy. blunt. naive. but they mean well. they have the love of God and it has shown through the way they have loved on us as they gave feedback and stuff. You know, one day I'd really like to write a blog about the differences between men and women (boys and girls in some cases though). I think what I'm gonna start carrying a little memo pad, clark kent news reporter style, and just jot down things I see. Then, i'll come home, muster up a hypothesis, run a few tests that involve dw-40 and baking soda, and voila! We will know why men never seem to understand and why women think they understand everything but are just as naive. expect this soon. with a patent. or copyright. or whatever.10 00
