smumeritme

Figure 20.1

Doesn't my mom look effin brown in this picture? Dang.

i've been twenty for 3 days now. I like it more than I thought I would. A couple of people spoil me and call me 19 because they know I like it. thanks. I need to grow up though, so i'll own the 2 and dismiss the 1.
When I had breakfast with my family(20.1), my dad told the waitress:
"you know, it's her birthday today. she's turning 20. i know she doesn't look twenty but she is. she's twenty and already finished her third year of college and now she is even a manager at H-E-B."
all while making that face where you raise your eyebrows and it means start your compliments.
i've learned that my dad really loves me. he's just has a hard time stumbling.
there are times where he annoys the hell out of me. i bought a car recently and he'd call 5 times a day to talk about what we spent an hour talking about the day before.
i just realized though that his worries are his affection towards me. he wants me to have a safe trip to kc because he loves me.
he even offered to buy me a gun.
so don't eff with me.

My internship was supposed to end on the 8th but the hurricane pushed it back to this week. I want to finish so bad already; I get to make an extra paycheck so i'll grin and bear it. What have I learned, you say? Glad you asked...

• when a man with a mustache asks you for a job, it actually means "would you like to have breakfast in acapulco?"
• it's fun to listen to Selena at 6 am. it was the only reason i would smile.
  
• i need God to help me learn how to serve people who aren't nice to me

Took a trip to SA with 5 strangers. Six total, three guys and three gals. I was scared that they wouldn't like me, but they did and we had a lot of fun. Made me happier and more comfortable about leaving. I'll be happy to see them again on Thursday.

Leaving in around 2 weeks. I keep hearing songs about leaving crappy towns and i'm always like "yeah! right on!!" countdown continues...

fade away

In a little less than four weeks, I'm starting a new chapter in my life. Maybe the "new chapter" thing is a little over-used but I can't think of anything that would be more appropriate. Ever since breaking up with Davy (no, even while I was with him), I knew that I wanted a time where I could separate myself from everything that I knew. And now my thoughts are going to become reality.

I love everyone that I have met up until this point. I'm full of everyones finger prints, everyone leaving a little part of them in me. Some people are more enjoyable than others, that's true. But God put even the smallest person in my path, so I can't help but love them because they are divinely placed.

I have my days where I'm scared of acceptance, but i'm also human and face insecurities all the time. But for the most part, whether people in kansas city like me or not, i'm so excited to leave you all behind.
I'm being a little melo-dramatic. I mean, I'm only leaving for three months right?
we'll see...
all i know is that for the first time in a really long time, things are finally on my terms and the ball is in my court.

truth

Climbing into your car seemed like a good idea. You drove a crazy old car. Something from the 70s. Seemed more old-fashioned than trendy but you were crazy about it, so that's cool.

BAM!

Who in their right mind would let Ryan Adams behind the wheel? You looked nervous. I could tell. We get out to inspect the damage he made. Some paint came off of yours. Some paint came off of his. Didn't seem like such a big deal but you made it one.

A list of titles comes rushing out of the ground. Ryan offers to play us any 5 of his songs. We choose. I love Ryan Adams. I was excited. You were still pissed about your car but hid it because of my excitement.

I see you start running in another direction. I remember seeing your scarf fly up.
"Where are you going?"
"Be back in a bit. I wouldn't leave you, darlin'."


I always liked it when you called me darlin'

12

Twelve days until I turn 19 again. I'm kind of apathetic. but weirdly enough, this is the first year that I feel comfortable asking for things for my birthday. I usually feel unworthy, but now I see things as I rummage through stores and I say, "Ooh, I like. My (insert gift here)" [John & Kate + 8] style. Too bad they are usually things that are effin expensive. oh well

anyways. update.
so I have two weeks left of my internship. Went by pretty quick. Not sure what I learned, but I made a heck of a lot of money(!) and that's what counts... for IHOP at least. So now I think for the time being H-E-B wants me to stay on board and work there up until I leave in Sept. The lazy part of me just wants to chill for 3 weeks but I wouldn't let myself.

hmm. what else?
Well, I talked to Lisa about my "problem". She told me not to eat cheesecake for the week and see how it goes. Today is the third day with no cheesecake, and damn do I want some cheesecake lol. Well, not really. It'd be nice once in a while. Maybe I'll keep it to like a week-end only type of deal. We'll see what God says.

I think that if I could live someone else's life for one day I would choose Agyness Deyn (sp?). I would say Karen O but that would be too obvious. In my one Agyness Deyn day I would make sure to fly to NYC and see a YYY show to get my fix. Actually she doesnt even seem that cool. I saw a video of her giving an interview and she looked like a typical snarky idiot. but she knows how to dress. I'll give her that. So in my one day I'd probably ship her wardrobe to 544 Galveston and spend the rest of my life trying to fit her size 00 frame.

This is what happens when it's 12 and you just got your Internet back after x-amount of days.

I don't think I will ever understand you. Maybe thats a good thing, although right now I don't see how it could be. And as hard as you may try, I don't think you will ever understand me either.

Impatience is one of my weaknesses. Why am I like this? Knowledge and information are my security. I would like to know everything about you and everyone you know. Not because I like to gossip or feel like being nosey. But because I would like to take the guessing game out of life. I'm frustrated. Hurt. Confused. These past couple of months have been like hell. I miss you and them. I miss 17 year old Sylvia. God, I'm so selfish...

I wish you would just make it stop already and make me blind. I forgot how ugly things surfacing looked like

I'm so happy God doesn't see it my way. I don't really know how to "search things out". I need You to help me with that.

YYY

i couldn't see
i couldn't hear
shut me off when you were near
like a cloud
a dusty mirror
disappear, you disappear

all of a sudden
all alone
i'm calling out
i'm calling love's gonna let me know
like the day you took me home
we counted every minute left to go
my love's gonna let you know

time without you drags me down
it all feels right with you around
it all feels light with you around
like that night we hit the ground
and all the lightning sends a chill
can't forget about you still
all of a sudden all alone
i'm calling out
i'm calling

love's gonna let me know
like the day you took me home
we counted every minute left to go
my love's gonna let you know

calling love's gonna let me know
like the day you took me home
we counted every minute left to go
my love's gonna let you know

i'm calling out i'm calling
i'm calling out i'm calling
i'm calling out i'm calling
i'm calling out i'm calling
i'm calling out i'm calling out

I would like to record this song. Morris, this means "help me record this."
:)

My Best Take on Letterman

10 Things I Hate



ten. hovering




Today I was at work, and there's this man (who is older than me, adding to the creepiness) who just hovered over me. I was just standing there like an idiot with my nervous-laugh as he just stood there. Please, for the love of Jesus, don't torture me and hover.

nine. muscles




lol I don't think I need to elaborate. it's a mix of envy fueled by disgust.

eight. mariah carey's wardrobe




i think it's inappropriate. and it looks like she's a really expensive chong. someone give her some sharpie makeup.

seven. when people forget my name




it makes me feel sad. like i'm not important. i get "victor's sister" a lot. maybe it might not seem like a big deal because after all, i am victor's sister. but i'm also sylvia, ya know?

six. bad breath




sometimes my breath smells bad, too. its not a "holier than thou" concept. it's just, and this is me just being transparent, when people talk to me about serious stuff and their breath smells it is effin hard to concentrate! there. i've said my peace

five. hickeys

i'll spare you the pictures. i saw some random girl with a huge hickey on her neck wearing at target the other day. i felt a mixture of wanting to cry/throw up/keep staring. but at least she didn't try to cover it up with one of those too-small band aids. that's just dumb.

four. thinking of four other things i hate

i'll update later