A couple of weeks ago, someone suggested to me that I should go to a class on self-esteem. Up until that point, I thought my self-esteem was fine. I mean, granted, I don't think I'm absolutely fabulous but I don't think anyone really does.

I didn't know what to think when they brought that up. Should I be gracious and accept the offer? Should I be offended because they think I think I'm a loser? What do I think about myself? To be honest, I rather not think about myself so I kind of just blew this thing off and didn't go to the class.

Plus, a class on self-esteem? LAME

Anyways, someone called me a wallflower recently and I couldn't help but bring up the subject again in my head. When I replay events in my head, I don't necessarily see them as Sylvia being a loner - I think my personality is just kind of tame and observant. Also, if i'm meeting you for the first time, how can you expect me to full bloom? Dude, give it time. If I like you, then my true colors will eventually show - I guess I just have to warm up to the idea of you.

So if you see me quietly sitting, don't pity. It's just "me" coming out. Studying, listening, making mental notes (sometimes even mental jokes)... I don't know. I really do like myself most days, and that's all I'm really asking for anyways.

and for the record, the wallflowers were catchy - so i'll take it as a compliment.

lol

i had a dream that Jim Halpert and I were watching The Office in my apartment. It was an episode based around the Jim and Pam saga, but in the dream I knew it was symbolic of the relationship between Jim and I. Jim liked me. I liked Jim. But we never told each other - just flirted like crazy.

So the episode goes to a scene where Jim does something nice for Pam, so I turn around to Jim and say "Jim! Why don't you just tell Pam that you like her?!" but what I meant was "Jim! Why don't you just tell me that you like me?!"

and then we just laughed and ate popcorn as we finished the episode.

i think i'm addicted

i couldn't resist

12-03-2009

Night started out pretty well. I got out of my last midterm earlier than expected, so I went to pick up Erika for the ra ra riot and tokyo police club show.



We got to the venue, and parking was a mother. the ticket was seventeen bucks. That was a bummer. But it was worth it.




I don't think i've ever seen so many beautiful scenesters in my life. it has been a while since I went to a show. i felt like i was home sort of. cheesy much? anyways, cine el rey is way nice with couches and everything. we mostly stayed in the back by the bar.




once in there, we met up with adriana, jenna, and desiree. ra ra riot took the stage a little after. they were so much fun! i should have gone up and danced. they had some sick projections on the walls, as noted by the following picture.




intermission. smoke break. walked the downtown a bit. bought some buttons and took a picture with the girls from rrr. they are beaitiful and very nice.




went back in for tokyo police club. this time, we all stood by the front and danced. a lot. :) they were really fun as well.




they played an encore, and then they invited ra ra riot to take the stage with them. it was a bajillion people onstage, and they started playing The Clash's "Stand by Me"! I ran to the front, jumped on a couch, and danced the whole song. great ending. here's a horrible picture of everyone onstage.

another stream of conscious

dude, seriously. this is a disclaimer. don't continue reading. it's just a ramble - i promise. i think it would be wasting a good minute of your life. think about what you could do with a minute... you could listen to 1/3 of a song, or count to 60, or... read a boring disclaimer on a blog?
i warned you

I had this really interesting dream a couple of nights ago, and I woke up really wanting to call and tell someone about it... but I didn't have anyone to call. lol So, here I am - posting it on blogger.

Anyways in the dream a lot of friends and I were driving on a school bus, and for a long time it seemed like we were lost. We were all just staring outside the windows at the surroundings; it kind of looked like Brownsville outskirts. Think Olmito or something like that. We drove around all night until we parked outside of some small club. It was pink and the paint was chipped and it had old rock posters plastered all over the walls. Then, it clicked: "Hey! We're here guys! We're at the show!" Apparently, we were all on the bus for the same purpose - to see a show.
So we stayed and danced and it was fun.

My musical taste buds are transitioning again and I'm going through an electronica phase or something. I'm really digging beck, the new yyy stuff, and tv on the radio. to be honest, i don't think any one of those is "electronica" but whatever. i'm not a thesaurus. i don't know the word.

sometimes i feel like i have no spine. it's incredibly hard for me to say "no" to someone. my cousin called me today, and it totally ticked me off. she called to say that she took the liberty of scheduling a job interview for me at some office at ITEC. i dont want to seem ungrateful because i know people are looking for jobs, but dude, seriously. you could have at least asked. and well, me having no backbone, said that i would go and do it. but then i think about leaving the reading lab and not helping Yu Hua and it makes me sad. BUT the ITEC job would be good experience - it has more to do with my major. BUT i don't even like my major. BUT it would pay me more. i think. hfbuweriohngvjklfdvnjuipwea!

Yu Hua

Yu Hua Sung is my most loyal tutee.
Sorry, i still chuckle at the word tutee from time to time.
For the three semesters that I have been working there, she is very faithful to come only when I work.
Needless to say, we have grown very close and today she called me her "best friend".
She's from Taiwan, married, and has two teenage boys.
You might ask, "Why did she move from Taiwan to Brownsville?"
Well, her husband got a job in Matamoros at, what I'm assuming, was a maquiladora.
But it turns out that his company relocated him back to Taiwan after a couple of years here
and i don't think she was able to move back - so he is in Taiwan and she's in the states.
Tough broad, i know.

she shared with me that growing up in Taiwan, her mother would make her go to these temples and pray to several different gods.
the sun god
the moon god
the earth god
etc.
and she said that she always hated it.
whenever she would walk in, she would feel goosebumps and very cold.
every so often the temple would build a god two stories high and burn it down along with some pigs and cows.

when she got to the states, someone who claimed to be a Christian stole money her.
angry, she and her husband decided to go to a Christian church to see "what exactly do they teach these people??"
so she walked inside and she said that they talked about how children should respect their parents.
the next week, they talked about how husbands and wives should unconditionally love each other.
and so she thought,"this isn't bad at all"
but most importantly she said that upon walking into the church, she didn't feel cold at all.
she felt very warm and comfortable.
and so she stayed and converted to Christianity.
:)

off with your head - dance till you're dead

There was absolutely no way to get comfortable. Try as they might, it was obvious that the metal that Neil and Farah were leaning against was not created to conform to the human body.
"I'm sorry, Neil. This isn't going exactly going the way I had imagined."
Neil was leaving to Iraq the next day. He had a 5am flight scheduled but Farah had convinced him to stay out a little bit longer. She wanted to see the star constellations with him just one more time.
"That's OK. It's not that bad."
Neil was lying. The car hood they were laying on top of was horrible. But he loved her. And he knew this was the last time he would see her for some years. The war was getting worse and Uncle Sam said he had to leave.
They were very accepting of the silence as they laid there looking at the stars. Their thoughts were so loud they had forgotten to say something to one another for some time now. Neil decided to break the quietness. He turned to his side, looked at Farah, and sang
" Eyeless in the morning sun you were /
Pale and mild, a modern girl..."
Surprised, Farah smiled and sang along. Unknowingly to Neil, this song came to serve as the thread to countless other memories between him and Farah.


::stream of conscious::
Anywho, today was a great day. No complaints on my part. Do you guys have "genius" on your itunes? I think it's great. The playlists that it comes up with really are "genius". I went to Golden Corral today and I think that place should be made illegal. It's not former-fat-kid friendly. Nope. Isabel and I are getting really close. She's my only friend right now and that's intentional. I don't mean to ignore everyone else, but at the same time...I do. sorry. i've been applying for everything under the sun recently. every single program, scholarship, job, class, internship, you name it. i guess i'm still weary about what is next for me - oh, well. i'd like to take a trip sometime soon. maybe somewhere out of state. that'd be nice. i don't want to be like "ham and cheese" Jim. maybe sometime i wouldn't mind. but not right now. nope. not now. here are some pictures I imageforged. i'm not great or anything, but i find it really fun to edit them and come up with stuff. send me pictures! i'd love to edit them for you guys.

sometimes we just want a nice picture.

Oh, and here's a picture I edited of my best friend. Despite all of the warring elements of the picture, I love how her eyes and smile are still what draws your focus.