truth

Climbing into your car seemed like a good idea. You drove a crazy old car. Something from the 70s. Seemed more old-fashioned than trendy but you were crazy about it, so that's cool.

BAM!

Who in their right mind would let Ryan Adams behind the wheel? You looked nervous. I could tell. We get out to inspect the damage he made. Some paint came off of yours. Some paint came off of his. Didn't seem like such a big deal but you made it one.

A list of titles comes rushing out of the ground. Ryan offers to play us any 5 of his songs. We choose. I love Ryan Adams. I was excited. You were still pissed about your car but hid it because of my excitement.

I see you start running in another direction. I remember seeing your scarf fly up.
"Where are you going?"
"Be back in a bit. I wouldn't leave you, darlin'."


I always liked it when you called me darlin'

12

Twelve days until I turn 19 again. I'm kind of apathetic. but weirdly enough, this is the first year that I feel comfortable asking for things for my birthday. I usually feel unworthy, but now I see things as I rummage through stores and I say, "Ooh, I like. My (insert gift here)" [John & Kate + 8] style. Too bad they are usually things that are effin expensive. oh well

anyways. update.
so I have two weeks left of my internship. Went by pretty quick. Not sure what I learned, but I made a heck of a lot of money(!) and that's what counts... for IHOP at least. So now I think for the time being H-E-B wants me to stay on board and work there up until I leave in Sept. The lazy part of me just wants to chill for 3 weeks but I wouldn't let myself.

hmm. what else?
Well, I talked to Lisa about my "problem". She told me not to eat cheesecake for the week and see how it goes. Today is the third day with no cheesecake, and damn do I want some cheesecake lol. Well, not really. It'd be nice once in a while. Maybe I'll keep it to like a week-end only type of deal. We'll see what God says.

I think that if I could live someone else's life for one day I would choose Agyness Deyn (sp?). I would say Karen O but that would be too obvious. In my one Agyness Deyn day I would make sure to fly to NYC and see a YYY show to get my fix. Actually she doesnt even seem that cool. I saw a video of her giving an interview and she looked like a typical snarky idiot. but she knows how to dress. I'll give her that. So in my one day I'd probably ship her wardrobe to 544 Galveston and spend the rest of my life trying to fit her size 00 frame.

This is what happens when it's 12 and you just got your Internet back after x-amount of days.

I don't think I will ever understand you. Maybe thats a good thing, although right now I don't see how it could be. And as hard as you may try, I don't think you will ever understand me either.

Impatience is one of my weaknesses. Why am I like this? Knowledge and information are my security. I would like to know everything about you and everyone you know. Not because I like to gossip or feel like being nosey. But because I would like to take the guessing game out of life. I'm frustrated. Hurt. Confused. These past couple of months have been like hell. I miss you and them. I miss 17 year old Sylvia. God, I'm so selfish...

I wish you would just make it stop already and make me blind. I forgot how ugly things surfacing looked like

I'm so happy God doesn't see it my way. I don't really know how to "search things out". I need You to help me with that.

YYY

i couldn't see
i couldn't hear
shut me off when you were near
like a cloud
a dusty mirror
disappear, you disappear

all of a sudden
all alone
i'm calling out
i'm calling love's gonna let me know
like the day you took me home
we counted every minute left to go
my love's gonna let you know

time without you drags me down
it all feels right with you around
it all feels light with you around
like that night we hit the ground
and all the lightning sends a chill
can't forget about you still
all of a sudden all alone
i'm calling out
i'm calling

love's gonna let me know
like the day you took me home
we counted every minute left to go
my love's gonna let you know

calling love's gonna let me know
like the day you took me home
we counted every minute left to go
my love's gonna let you know

i'm calling out i'm calling
i'm calling out i'm calling
i'm calling out i'm calling
i'm calling out i'm calling
i'm calling out i'm calling out

I would like to record this song. Morris, this means "help me record this."
:)

My Best Take on Letterman

10 Things I Hate



ten. hovering




Today I was at work, and there's this man (who is older than me, adding to the creepiness) who just hovered over me. I was just standing there like an idiot with my nervous-laugh as he just stood there. Please, for the love of Jesus, don't torture me and hover.

nine. muscles




lol I don't think I need to elaborate. it's a mix of envy fueled by disgust.

eight. mariah carey's wardrobe




i think it's inappropriate. and it looks like she's a really expensive chong. someone give her some sharpie makeup.

seven. when people forget my name




it makes me feel sad. like i'm not important. i get "victor's sister" a lot. maybe it might not seem like a big deal because after all, i am victor's sister. but i'm also sylvia, ya know?

six. bad breath




sometimes my breath smells bad, too. its not a "holier than thou" concept. it's just, and this is me just being transparent, when people talk to me about serious stuff and their breath smells it is effin hard to concentrate! there. i've said my peace

five. hickeys

i'll spare you the pictures. i saw some random girl with a huge hickey on her neck wearing at target the other day. i felt a mixture of wanting to cry/throw up/keep staring. but at least she didn't try to cover it up with one of those too-small band aids. that's just dumb.

four. thinking of four other things i hate

i'll update later

a tiger is waiting to be tamed

Insecurity is such a strange topic. Its something that I have been struggling with lately and...yeah. It feels as if its something that you can't escape. No matter how great a day you are having there is always something that comes up/you notice/someone says that puts you back in your "place".

• I shouldn't of said that. Can't rewind.
• I don't want to do that. He's going to think I'm stupid. I'm only 19.
• 3 < 0
  
• You don't get it. You just won't fit it.
  

It's been really hard for me accepting who God says I am. I don't know about other people but in my opinion, I felt that if people were confident in their identity I perceived it as a form of arrogance. How can someone say something and believe it with all of their heart. I heard Bob Jones say once that he "was a beautiful son of God. an amazingly beautiful and awesome individual." How can someone say something like that and not feel uncomfortable? Not that I feel that he was off or wrong. His confidence is worthy of being envied. I'm just in a state where I can't understand the meaning of my identity in Christ. I had lunch with some great friends yesterday (that I need to hang out with more) and I was letting them know what my mind was saying about myself. But then he started saying all of the things that God and they think about me. That I was special. beautiful. worthy of great things. I noticed that I kind of looked at my food when he said that and nodded. I know I should agree but I haven't come to that state where I fully can.

But it's something Jesus can do in a heartbeat. Just because I struggle with it know doesn't mean I will in the days to come. So for now, I'm just gonna sit and chill out. I wanna hear the things God says about me and even though I might not feel it yet it still feels nice to be told.

13 minute blog

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So I'm giving myself 13 minutes to write a blog. I tend to over-edit stuff like this. Or think too much about what I wanna type or how I want it to sound. None of that. I can share what's up in 13 minutes easy.

So I started this internship at HEB, and it's been OK. Lackluster sort of, but I'm not one to complain. I start my third week tomorrow and my shift hours kind of suck (i guess that is a little complaining, huh?) I wake up at 4 45 every morning, shower, get ready, and have breakfast on the road to work. I pray as I drive, and I guess I pray for the same stuff. I end up asking God for whatever bothered me about the day before and that he would make my 8 hour shift seem like a breeze. He's faithful, and it always just seems that much more quicker (albeit, I'm still tired as heck when I get home but that's nothing that a 2 hour nap can't fix).

hmm what else to ramble about? uhh lately erika and I have been going through some issues that are interesting. it's been pretty informative going out and asking other people for their opinions on the matters because everyone's opinion is so different. advice that is inconsistent with what Person A said yesterday. Guess I've learned from this experience that man is pretty silly. They gave advice, and it was pretty godly and stuff, but I think that if your depending too much on other's opinions and not going to the Source for the ultimate answer then you're asking for trouble. everyone thinks a certain way. strict. liberal. goofy. blunt. naive. but they mean well. they have the love of God and it has shown through the way they have loved on us as they gave feedback and stuff.

You know, one day I'd really like to write a blog about the differences between men and women (boys and girls in some cases though). I think what I'm gonna start carrying a little memo pad, clark kent news reporter style, and just jot down things I see. Then, i'll come home, muster up a hypothesis, run a few tests that involve dw-40 and baking soda, and voila! We will know why men never seem to understand and why women think they understand everything but are just as naive. expect this soon. with a patent. or copyright. or whatever.

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