i couldn't see i couldn't hear shut me off when you were near like a cloud a dusty mirror disappear, you disappear all of a sudden all alone i'm calling out i'm calling love's gonna let me know like the day you took me home we counted every minute left to go my love's gonna let you know time without you drags me down it all feels right with you around it all feels light with you around like that night we hit the ground and all the lightning sends a chill can't forget about you still all of a sudden all alone i'm calling out i'm calling love's gonna let me know like the day you took me home we counted every minute left to go my love's gonna let you know calling love's gonna let me know like the day you took me home we counted every minute left to go my love's gonna let you know i'm calling out i'm calling i'm calling out i'm calling i'm calling out i'm calling i'm calling out i'm calling i'm calling out i'm calling out
I would like to record this song. Morris, this means "help me record this."
:)
Insecurity is such a strange topic. Its something that I have been struggling with lately and...yeah. It feels as if its something that you can't escape. No matter how great a day you are having there is always something that comes up/you notice/someone says that puts you back in your "place".
- I shouldn't of said that. Can't rewind.
- I don't want to do that. He's going to think I'm stupid. I'm only 19.
- 3 < 0
- You don't get it. You just won't fit it.
It's been really hard for me accepting who God says I am. I don't know about other people but in my opinion, I felt that if people were confident in their identity I perceived it as a form of arrogance. How can someone say something and believe it with all of their heart. I heard Bob Jones say once that he "was a beautiful son of God. an amazingly beautiful and awesome individual." How can someone say something like that and not feel uncomfortable? Not that I feel that he was off or wrong. His confidence is worthy of being envied. I'm just in a state where I can't understand the meaning of my identity in Christ. I had lunch with some great friends yesterday (that I need to hang out with more) and I was letting them know what my mind was saying about myself. But then he started saying all of the things that God and they think about me. That I was special. beautiful. worthy of great things. I noticed that I kind of looked at my food when he said that and nodded. I know I should agree but I haven't come to that state where I fully can.
But it's something Jesus can do in a heartbeat. Just because I struggle with it know doesn't mean I will in the days to come. So for now, I'm just gonna sit and chill out. I wanna hear the things God says about me and even though I might not feel it yet it still feels nice to be told.
9 47So I'm giving myself 13 minutes to write a blog. I tend to over-edit stuff like this. Or think too much about what I wanna type or how I want it to sound. None of that. I can share what's up in 13 minutes easy.So I started this internship at HEB, and it's been OK. Lackluster sort of, but I'm not one to complain. I start my third week tomorrow and my shift hours kind of suck (i guess that is a little complaining, huh?) I wake up at 4 45 every morning, shower, get ready, and have breakfast on the road to work. I pray as I drive, and I guess I pray for the same stuff. I end up asking God for whatever bothered me about the day before and that he would make my 8 hour shift seem like a breeze. He's faithful, and it always just seems that much more quicker (albeit, I'm still tired as heck when I get home but that's nothing that a 2 hour nap can't fix).hmm what else to ramble about? uhh lately erika and I have been going through some issues that are interesting. it's been pretty informative going out and asking other people for their opinions on the matters because everyone's opinion is so different. advice that is inconsistent with what Person A said yesterday. Guess I've learned from this experience that man is pretty silly. They gave advice, and it was pretty godly and stuff, but I think that if your depending too much on other's opinions and not going to the Source for the ultimate answer then you're asking for trouble. everyone thinks a certain way. strict. liberal. goofy. blunt. naive. but they mean well. they have the love of God and it has shown through the way they have loved on us as they gave feedback and stuff. You know, one day I'd really like to write a blog about the differences between men and women (boys and girls in some cases though). I think what I'm gonna start carrying a little memo pad, clark kent news reporter style, and just jot down things I see. Then, i'll come home, muster up a hypothesis, run a few tests that involve dw-40 and baking soda, and voila! We will know why men never seem to understand and why women think they understand everything but are just as naive. expect this soon. with a patent. or copyright. or whatever.10 00
Dreams are my absolute favorite way that God speaks to me. I have them pretty often, and I write them down in my "dream binder". I think I've recorded around 70 or 80 visions and dreams. Anyways, I'm a pretty visual person, so it's not hard to see why I like them so much (plus, God is just so freakin' creative it's nuts, so each dream is an adventure in itself. I have no idea how He comes up with so many dreams to give to His people).
I've been having a lot of finance-related dreams recently. I'm still not that great at interpreting dreams (yet) , so I usually need God to have grace and be really literal when He speaks. So I had this one dream where Gabe (meaning a man of God) came and gave me a check for $1,000. I had another dream where everywhere I went I found $20 and $100 bills on the floor, and in the most recent one, I found $15 crumpled inside a receipt that had $1,000 recorded on it.
I kind of had an idea about what I wanted to write about in this blog, but I think it all went to jello cuz the Spirit showed up and now I just wanna melt. So whatever, i'll save the details for another time. But what I wanted to share is that I got an internship this summer that pays $13 an hour and at the end of the internship I get $1,000 bonus. Can't get anymore literal than that, huh? Praise God. So I would like to thank God for being extremely faithful, even in times of my shaky faith. He is so awesome to keep Hid promises despite whatever we may feel or think. I love You for hearing me out. You heard the desires of my heart that night when I prayed to You and I asked You if I could go. You said, "Sylvia, I would LOVE for you to come. I'm glad you asked. Let me plan it out. Let me pay for you. I want you to know that I desperately want you to come as well." And that's what You did. I got accepted. You gave me a job. You're even giving me a car to get there. Agh. dude You love me too much. but Don't stop. It's feels amazingggggg. i love to be loved by You.
"Amazing grace, how sweet the sound. Oh, my God, You never let me down. Can I have more of You?" Agh! Can't get me enough jesusculture. For real....So it's 2:20 in the morning, and I can't sleep. I was up watching SVU with my sister, and now I'm hyped up on worship music. \\\It's all good/// I'm awake on some happy, sporadic, God-given high. It's either that or all the candy I had before bed (but in Jesus' name it's the latter!!!) I think I'm in love. Like head-over-heels, can't take my gaze off, butterflies in the stomach, shameless to the max kind of loooove. And you know what makes me feel even MORE in love? It's that Jesus, in Heaven, is in this exact state 24/7. If you think about it, Jesus must be in some crazy spiritual high all of the time because He's hardcore in love with me (and you too, of course) :)
I was worshiping at Faith during the conference and I was crying (but not wailing lol [inside joke with Erika]) because I was like "God, I just want you to feel my love right now." And so I like concentrated like crazy, as if somehow I could telepathically send him a "love" gift, and I just knew He got it. I could imagine Him and all the angels in Heaven excited over opening my heart's love gift. Picture a kid in x-mas. That was God opening up our heart's love songs. He was probably like, "OoOoh, a package from Sylvia. I wonder what it could be... ::opens package:: YES!!!!!!!! It's her song of all songs. Just what I wanted!" And then the angels went crazy and did some tribal dance to celebrate and then I was like "Boo yah!!!!!!"
God, I think you are the most amazing thing I have ever felt, seen, touched, known, etc. You are the salt to my pepper: the peanut to my butter: the hop to my skip: and any other lovely comparisons you'd like to muster up. I love you for everything plus one. I love you for all of my life + one day + eternity. I think I'm silly, You think I'm silly, and You absolutely adore me for the stupid-sounding love that I'm typing away. Well, guess what? I adore you too!!!!!!!! Cool, huh? It's mutual :D and I promise that it will be mutual for the rest of my days. And for my kids' days. and my husband's days. and my generations' days. I'm prophesying over my freakin family right now. they WILL love you with all of their heart, mind, soul, and strength. Dude, you're just so cool, I couldn't let them get away without loving you. Anyways, love you Dad. Keep having Heaven beckon me!
Officially done with school as of Tuesday. [oh my gosh, Jesus. thank you] It's unusual feeling so free after constantly being in a state of busy-ness or procrastination. This semester was undoubtedly the worst semester of my "college" life. It was horrible having so many classes and going to work all the time [Yu Hua still rocks] and having tests/homework\quizzes every other freakin' day. I wish I could say "never again" but alas, i still have another 3 semesters to go until I graduate.
But enough of that junk.. I now have the absolute <privilege> of focusing on Jesus and the revival He has started in adirolF. Praise You for allowing me to be alive in such a time as this, Lord. We should all be so honored to be witnesses of the crazy manifestations that are occurring. What's even crazier is that these revivals aren't going to stop. They're gonna spread and spread and spread... I wish I could know what God is doing through all of this. I mean, of course He's healing His Bride and restoring Her faith in His miracles, but I want to know "WHY?" Why now? Why us? Why me? Are these revivals the Third Great Awakening in effect or are they part of something much larger (i.e. end times stuff)? Jesus, let us in your thought-process. Let your children search your thoughts and find the answers.
I'm choosing to believe the latter. I think that all of this stuff is too great to be taken lightly. People out there need to be woken up (including myself), and I think that God is using this to stir up our spirits for the unknown things that are yet to come. In about two days, a bunch of us are leaving to Dallas and meeting up with the JesusCulture group from Redding, CA (another revival hotspot). The conference is going to focus on equipping the revivalists and taking His fire to the streets. There is absolutely NO WAY that this can be a coincidence. In the Kingdom, coincidences just don't exist. God is going to wreck Dallas and its believers and unbelievers alike (prophesying). We will not be the same. I choose to come back different for His glory.
God, do something in us that has NEVER been done before. Take us to that new level... that we would meet You at this higher level. Anoint and purify the Bride so tha we could usher in this new movement.
