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The comment I left on Josh's blog got me riled up and now I just want to talk about offense.
God asked me to stop doing something recently, and He knows very well that I had no desire whatsoever to stop. Mind you, it wasn't "sin" or anything obviously wrong... just something God knew I didn't need right now. And so I stopped. And I hate it.

Writing this blog is giving me that lump in the throat you get right before you want to cry. I don't think I'll let myself cry because of pride (which is another story in itself), but I am struggling with it all.

I keep wanting to ask God, "If You knew You were going to eventually ask me to stop doing it, then why did You ever let me start to begin with?" You allowed me the joy of running, only to see that there was a cliff stopping me not too far into the trail. It was all an illusion.

I really don't want to be offended by God. I want to trust His leadership and come out saying it is perfect. It's a struggle to do this, but I'm glad I said yes, though. I don't care if people think it's stupid to let someone "who caused you pain to dictate your life". Jesus is the only person who has never let me down and to think that He would intentionally hurt me for no reason is spiteful and sickening.

I want to be like Moses. I want to come out of this wilderness unoffended. I want to be able to love God more than anything else. And I just want God to call me His friend. Lord, I want to be Your friend.