i really don't want to think about those things anymore

This morning my mind made up its mind and it came to the conclusion that I am in the wrong degree plan. It has been thinking a lot about graduation, work, the future, and the sorts recently.
So time-consuming
but it's a portal that has one door leading to another

I am having a really hard time seeing myself in a dress suit for the rest of my life. I mean, seriously. Where would I put my pins? They just don't look good on blazers. What shoes would I wear? Ive seen those converse high heels and they are pre-tty gross. No, thanks.

I'm scared out of my mind. When teachers assign group projects I'm always the first one to cringe because I hate working with others...leading others...depending on others.
And here I am. A management major.

I want Jesus to come rescue me from the reality of graduation. Did You really want me to do this? What if You told me to major in something else and I heard wrong? What a scary thought.

I have been looking into some masters programs, but I think I'm only doing it so that I can continue being a student a little longer. Buy me some time before I face the reality of the system.
God, I hate the system
And here I am. A future part of it.

For now, I'm thinking of still graduating in December and then moving to Austin. I kind of even really want Isabel to come live with me. I told her the idea and she was so stoked. I love it.
She could transfer to UT while I work. We could go to shows and buy stuff for our apartment. I love it, living with my best friend.

Jesus, I invite You for the ride except I sure as hell don't want to lead. Let me follow. Get me out of here. Give me more than a suit. Give me color. Give me sounds. Give me personality.