subterranean un-homesick alien

Yesterday, around 10 pm, I was walking out of the prayer room. I was in that after-prayer room daze, and as I was walking through the double-doors I felt my feet stop walking. & all I could do was just stare. I was surprised to see that Brownsville wasn't meeting me outside... but after literally one second, I just had an overwhelming sense of peace about that.

I don't necessarily mean that Kansas City is my home. That'd be stupid to feel considering I've only been here for about 2 weeks. No, what I'm getting at is that Brownsville isn't my home. I don't know if it's because I'm in the "honeymoon" phase of my departure from Texas, or whether it's because this is what God has put in my heart (traveling) but I know without a shadow of a doubt that I've been bit by something that Brownsville just can't cure.

You always have those people that are like, "Brownsville isn't that bad," and then they make a face at you for being "holier than thou". I can picture at least 5 people giving me that reaction if they read this. And you know what? Maybe it's not that bad for you. Maybe you actually enjoy being bored out of your mind; going to Starbucks for the eleventh time this week; listening to the same 5 songs on the radio as you drive over there.

Side Note: kc radio is rad. sometimes i think 96.5 is like mana to my ears. (that's pushing it. sorry Jesus. But he knows my humor)

anyways, what's the point of this ramble? No point. just wanted to vent. don't have a computer at my house so this nasty trinitron monitor is a delicacy.

i love God. i really do.

I made two new IHOP budz. Connie and Ferika.

Connie made two friends today. Both of them bald, except one was black and one was white. The white bald guy almost hit her face with the camera. The black bald guy doesn't know who Connie is. She tickels my funny bone.

"Call me ASAP! I was watching the news and I heard the short bus flipped over & I know how you don't wear your helmet! Are you ok??"

Ferika rode the short bus today. Well, the shuttles. They looked icky to me but she said they were cool. She also got Connie in a leg lock and Connie farted in her face because she was afraid (not scared).

::you're sitting next to someone. they look interesting so you kind of want to talk to them. it sort of seems like they want to also. But then neither does. so that sucks.::

Remember how I wrote about Vivienne? And how I wanted her to be more attractive than me? Well, I got my wish. sort of.

Turns out that everyone in Kansas City is beautiful. Maybe its because they all look so different than people back home. But you can't go outside without seeing really attractive people.
I have never felt so ugly and i can feel my insecurities rising.

I saw this pretty girl the other day and I started feeling self-conscious. So I tried thinking "You know what Sylvia, God thinks you're beautiful." Afterwards I felt like a loser for two reasons.

1.) I felt like that idiot in school that is really weird and says stuff like, "Well, my mom says I'm special." and everyone laughs because being weird is not special.
&
2.) I said afterwards, "God can probably see she's still more beautiful."

I don't know why I prayed for Him to help me with my insecurities. They suck. But I guess this is God, huh? no one said it'd be easy i guess...

sleepy induced hyper time

i'm tired.
long day
watching a taco bell commercial
i would say that i miss being home
but
that would be a lie
and i don't.
my piercing hurts
and i bought a Hemingway book
the guy who sold it to me said it was good.
can't wait to go home and read a couple chapters.
His son was like
"hey... why do you have red in your hair?"
+"I dyed it"
"oh... well my hair is a little bit red but more brown."
+"cool. do you think I look weird?"
"um. look at my hair, it's tangled now!"

so
yeah
gonna eat some thai now. maybe

tomorrow : "hello"

kansas city wishlist

i want the first friend i make to have blue hair and a nose ring, so that when we walk down the street together we could compliment each other. I would want her to be more attractive and dress better than me so that God could work on my insecurity issues. her name would be "vivienne" and she'd be 19.

need to start stepping out more, so i'm wishing that my classes will make me go out and do stuff. not undermining them, but i don't want to just stay home to read and pray (even though i really should. haven't done either in a good while). i wanna serve and help and learn and love.

my heart wants to come back bigger than before. i want to fall in love and give my vows all over again. not really wishing for this one though. in the most arrogant and self assured way, i can say that God's gonna give me this one. He promised me already.

i want to make a really good friend who's a guy. i've never had someone i could call a best friend be of the opposite sex, so i'm looking forward to it. unlike vivienne, i'm not too picky on his attributes. i would just want him to be into art so that he could go to some museums with me.

lastly, i want you to see a yeah yeah yeahs shirt and smile. i want you to pray for me and wish me the best. and i want you to think about me every once in a while. i know i will with all of you.

murder in the dark

i want to blog. i've been wanting to blog since yesterday.
i have plenty of things i'd like to say, but i don't know where to start. my thoughts kind of remind me of the art club meetings we had. where i would have a plate and start with the primaries. but then mixing comes into play, and you're left with a really nasty greyish brown.
my brain feels like that greyish brown right now.

i made an awesome friend this summer, and i'm bummed that i have to leave so early into the friendship. i think we really clicked. people always say that separation doesn't change anything, but i don't think there's any truth in that. i think that if i were to return, we wouldn't be the same.
thats the pessimist in me coming out, but i can't help it. speaking from experience.
i hope to God i'm wrong, though. not too often you find someone cool in brownsville.

anyways
Today was such a great day. I don't think i've had a day like this in such a long time. Not necessarily because of the things we did or what happened throughout (albeit the stuff that happened wasn't every-day things), but because i don't think one single day has given me as many memories as today has.
i wish i could elaborate. maybe in time. but for now at least we have some pictures and a couple of videos.

I first started going to church about 2 years ago and I remember how fun it was. everyone was so chill and we were a big group. even though i had only been there x-amount of months, i felt just as comfortable with the person to my right as i was to the dude on my left.
things aren't like that anymore. it's nothing new though. it hasn't been like this for a loong time. i wonder how it would be if we got everyone from that time and locked us into a room. what would happen?
would we awkwardly talk about how we've been?
would we pretend as if we've been the same?
i dont know.
but it'd be cool if we played murder in the dark. that was so much fun.

girl in the red hat

I'm here watching (or attempting to, at least) Elizabethtown at 1005. We're at the scene where Susan Sarandon is tap dancing to her dead husband's favorite song. Tap dancing is pretty ridiculous-looking. If I was the dead husband, I'd sent an earthquake from Heaven to stop her. Husband, if you're reading this out on blogger world, learn another hobby.

I've been having some interesting things happen recently. I'm being blessed with some messed up memories.

I saw a puppy get run over.

"Hello?! Help!" have become second nature. Very useful when you're stranded on a balcony at 2 in the morning.

I've rediscovered Ryan Adams and I'm starry-eyed. This isn't really a memory, but if by reading this you are the least bit interested, it has served its purpose.

I hope I don't blow up Lisa's kitchen tomorrow. I'm a tad intimidated. I hope Julia Child comes back from the dead and helps me out.

Isn't it ironic that separations draw people who weren't close....close? Why now and not then? I don't know if I should feel offended or flattered.

It's 10 14 and yet it feels like it's 1 in the morning. Maybe its because this movie seems to drag... Stuff like this never happens. It NEVER happens.

($)?(#)

Looking through the folder with all of my photos, I have 450+. It would have been double that, but alas life is cruel (or at least technology is) and my computer crashed. *tear* Anywho, I asked a couple of you for random numbers. I chose the photo I'm about to describe by the number you gave me and listed them by the time you replied. Morris answered first. So Here it goes...

Morris: #2




I invited Caroline to my cousin's wedding, around March/April of 07. Before the wedding, she came over and got ready at my house. I showed interest in her curling iron, and so she curled my hair as well. Turned out pretty cool, but I'm still stylistically an idiot and have yet to curl my hair on my own. Caroline wore her Pearl Harbor dress (looked very pretty btw) and I wore something completely inappropriate for a wedding. Cousin looked pretty pissed, but that's Sylvia for you. Rule-breaker

Erika: #233


Michelle, April, Bon and I went to go have lunch at Vermilion that day. Spur of the moment "girl day". I ordered the "lite" plate while everyone else had the normal one. There was nothing lite about it. hmm what else? I think we almost died at least seven times because of April's driving. Towards the end of the day, I don't think we cared about dieing anymore cuz Michelle had found a cool wedding dress, we ate Red Robyn and scored a free milkshake, and I received a nice surprise phone call.

Ace: #37




This is a cool one. His name is Howard. He befriended Alyx and I as we were vandalizing Michelle's car with post it notes for her twenty-second. It was around 1 am and we just see this duck. wasnt little, wasnt big. it was like a teen duck. anyways, it just came up to alyx, got right next to his feet, looked up at him, and started cuddling with him. maybe its mom had died or something. howard spent the rest of the night switching cuddle partners and even crapped on victor. i think it followed rene home. how sad...


Bon: "642 jk 127"




On our way to jesusculture dallas with the willies. driving towards dallas but makde a pit stop five or six hours into the drive. it was literally by grace that we found this rest stop. i think someone had even prayed that we could eat right next to a river. right next to the river there was an old-school water mill that was abandoned so we all had our mini-exploration there. looking at stuff like this reminds you how ugly brownsville is. ::debbie downer::